Eels Will Kill You

by Schlimminy Cricket

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02:33
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03:12
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03:45
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03:17
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credits

released August 16, 2011

All tracks written by Soren Paul Budge
Produced by Nicolas Kwatnoski and Soren Paul Budge
Mixed by Nicolas Kwatnoski, Soren Paul Budge, and David Chung

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about

Schlimminy Cricket Provo, Utah

Schlimminy is for you and for me. Mostly for me. Songs about death and TV.

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Track Name: Eels Will Kill You Pt. 1
Eels will kill you
Eels will kill you dead
That's what they tell you
That's what they said
Always, yes always
Eels will kill you dead
Track Name: Crazy For You
Did you get my plane?
I think you'll like what I put inside
I mailed it yesterday
I know I should tell you, but I'll confide
It's got two monkeys, two rhinos
And all the things I always wanted to say to you
But never do
Do you like my plane?
I'll understand if you just ignore it
I like you just the same
But do you think that I can actually afford
to send two zebras, two hippos
and two bottles of my very best rose
just to hear you say
"Thank you for the plane"
Then happily we could be together
Just dancing in the rain
we won't base our mood on the stormy weather
or on two llamas, two emus,
or any of those other depressing animals
it's incredible
And I know that you're busy
You've got crazy things to do
They tell me that I'm crazy
But I'm crazy just for you
Do you like my plane?
I picked it special from the box
and I chose it out a name
so you'd have a plane with a name that rocks
and two lemurs, two dikdiks
and a fancy, frilly note that asks if you
like me too
and if you like my plane
Track Name: Simile
Oh Simile, you are the one for me
like a telephone for a TV lawyer
you're all I need
I shun synecdoche
keep metaphor away from me
like Polanski hiding across the sea
Oh Simile

Simile, you're like a fire
ephemeral and hot
Oh Simile, you're my desire
for comparing two things like or not

Oh Simile, you're the device for me
Like Axe Body Spray in a middle school
you're used liberally
and where would hip-hop be
without you? Short a verse or three
condensed like Campbell's brand split pea
Oh Simile

Simile, you're like an angel
even though you're not
Oh Simile, you're like this other
thing I thought of then forgot

Oh Simile, when used judiciously
you're like Hawaii 'cause you punch so potently
we offer thanks to thee
from Robert Frost to Forrest G.
Like one poetic family
Track Name: Hit Me in the Face (With a Curling Iron)
Hit me in the face with a curling iron
Hit me in the face with a curling iron
Hit me in the face with a curling iron
Hit me in the face with a curling iron
(x4)

Hit me in the face
Hit me in the face
Hit me in the face
And I say to you politely "get down. All of you politely get down."

Hit me in the face with a curling iron
Hit me in the face with a curling iron
Hit me in the face with a curling iron
Hit me in the face with a curling iron
(x4)

Hit me in the face
Hit me in the face
Hit me in the face
Hit me in the face
And I will look at you
And you will look at me
And we will both of us say
"Hit me in the face."

Hit me in the face with a curling iron
(x15)

Hit me in the face with a curling iron now
Track Name: We'll Walk Away
Come with me and we'll walk away
and we'll be together and we won't care
if they laugh
which they will
which they will
like I said, if you come with me
then we'll walk away and we'll be together
and we won't
care if they laugh
which they will
we won't care if they laugh at us, and they will

Come with me and we'll buy a cat
and we'll name him Charlie and act like he's people
but he's not
and we know
that he's not
like I said, if you'll come with me
then we'll buy a cat and we'll name him Charlie
and we'll act
like he's people
but he's not
we'll treat him like he's people, but he's not

Come with me and we'll walk away
and we'll be together and we won't care
if they laugh
which they will
which they will
Like I said, if you come with me
then we'll walk away and we'll be together
and we won't
care if they laugh
which they will
we won't care if they laugh at us
we won't care if they laugh at us
we won't care if they laugh at us, and they will
Track Name: Cloud-Cuckoo-Land
Loose piano
Cranium
Third-floor window
Laudanum
I think I will die
Where chirping birdies fly
I'll meet you in cloud and cuckoo land
Track Name: Logan K. Is Miffed
Logan K. has tried to be an understanding man
he's got himself a girlfriend, he's singing with the band
anger and confusion he tries his best to hide
and from his face it's hard to place what's going on inside

He has no wrongs
how does he deserve this?
they have no songs
what a great disservice
though he tries his best to keep it secret while he plays
everyone is happy here except for Logan K.

Half an hour from now, the kids will take over the stage
Logan uses ancient skills to suppress his rage
then Mike the mandolin guy shoots our man the evil eye
and rugged as he is, he has to fight just not to cry

He has no wrongs
how does he deserve this?
they have no songs
what a great disservice
though he tries his best to keep it secret while he plays
everyone is happy here except for Logan K.

Logan K., it'll be okay
Logan K., it'll be okay
Track Name: Eels Will Kill You Pt. 2
But then I looked into her face
and disavowed my ancient ways
I knew that we were meant to be, just she and me
a sailor and his eel beneath the sea

And we promised forever that we would not be moved
and we went 'round together and bought each other shoes
but now I know how it goes
Now I know how it goes
Track Name: Utah
Snow is falling down in spates in Utah
limiting my options for the day
but I'd like to say a word or two
about the things I'd like to do in Utah
There's nothing
There's nothing that I'd like to do in Utah
There's nothing
There's nothing that I'd like to do in Utah
They tell us that the boredom we are feeling will be tempered out by love
and the lack of personality is covered by what's falling from above
in Utah
There's nothing that I'd like to do in Utah
in Utah
There's nothing that I'd like to do in Utah

People smiling through their teeth in Utah
like they think they do in other states
and they all go on so endlessly
about this thing you have to see in Utah
it's nothing
there's nothing that you have to see in Utah
in Utah
there's nothing that you have to see in Utah
They say that if you realign your expectations then you'll be just fine
if what you want is what you've got, then everything was perfect the whole time
in Utah
there's nothing that I'd like to do in Utah
in Utah
there's nothing that I'd like to do in Utah

And if you run away with me then we can go off to a better place
and it won't even matter if it's awful there as long we've escaped
from Utah
there's nothing that I'd like to do in Utah
in Utah
there's nothing that I'd like to do in Utah
Track Name: Transform
I will wait for you
though it's dark here and it's been awhile
since I saw any light
or smelled the morning air
or sat around the cave just thinking petty thoughts

you've got the sweetest smile
you've got the cutest eyes
you've got your choice
of various and sundry guys
just as suited, maybe better, to be there by your side

What am I? What am I?
I can't define the way I feel
I'm not enough, I'm not enough
for your unlimited appeal
and maybe one day you'll wake up
and find you really love me
and maybe I won't have to transform

I can disappear
I can set myself on fire
I can wipe away the me
if that's what you'd prefer
I'll do it, believe me, I've done it all before

If you could look inside
past the mask and past the pretense
past this blob of pink
past these hollow eyes
there's a question: can anybody love me as I am?

What am I? What am I?
I can't define the way I feel
I'm not enough, I'm not enough
for your unlimited appeal
and maybe one day you'll wake up
and find you really love me
and maybe I won't have to transform

In my mind, I've made you mine
and life is beautiful
and everybody hates our guts
but they're just jealous
it's super-effective!
one-hit knock-out!

What am I? What am I?
I can't define the way I feel
I'm not enough, I'm not enough
for your unlimited appeal
and maybe one day you'll wake up
and find you really love me
and maybe I won't have to transform
maybe I won't have to transform
someday I won't have to transform
tell me I won't have to transform
Track Name: Why I Hate Charlie Rose
Eight o'Clock PM on my TV
he broadcasts to the public and to me
he sends his image all around the world
he's got governmental funding
and furthermore, he's got my girl
there's a dark side no one knows
to that no-good Charlie Rose
come on, Charlie
give me back my girl

His charm and insight cannot be denied
but his stupid accent tears me up inside
I should have seen it coming from the start
as he sat there on a field of curtains
blacker than his heart
and he hooked my lady fair
with a sly come-hither stare
come on, Charlie
give me back my girl

She likes his sincerity
she likes his smile
she likes his indefatigable interviewing style
she likes how all his accolades meet with humility
but most of all she likes him
'cause he's better than me
and I guess that's how it goes
for that no-good Charlie Rose
I hate you, Charlie
give me back my girl
Track Name: In The Moonlight
I walked out by myself in the moonlight
'tween the dusk and the break of the dawn
all alone, myself in the moonlight
as the hills went blue in the moonlight
far away from home in the moonlight
'tween the dusk and break of the dawn

And I carved out a path by the roadside
where the lights of the passing cars shone
and they came so close by the roadside
two old friends approaching the roadside
where they met at last at the roadside
where the lights of the passing cars shone

Oh no, look where you're going
Oh no
Oh no, look where you're going
Oh no

And I looked out upon the commotion
at the scene of the terrible mess
I did survey all the commotion
I peered in on all the commotion
should I aid the awful commotion
at the scene of the terrible mess?

Down behind the shattered old window
as the flames o'er the wreckage grew high
I could see behind the old window
could it be behind the old window?
it was me behind the old window
as the flames o'er the wreckage grew high

Oh no, look where you're going
oh no
oh no, look where you're going
oh no
Track Name: Disco Tony
The years have not been kind to our poor Anthony
the once proud dancing king is now consumed by misery
and maybe they were wrong, those awful things we said
we told him he was comical and we said his art was dead

Now come forth, Disco Tony
bear us no acrimony
though you may feel alone-y

Disco disco disco
disco disco disco

And all the people cry "we need a hero now"
"our homes and souls we must defend, but who will show us how?"
"What polyester knight will save our liberty
for in our darkest hour only the beat can set us free?"

So come forth, Disco Tony
ride on your truth Zamboni
don't leave us all alone-y
here in the darkness stony
your beaten act is phoney
your weakness all baloney
if you can fight then show me

Disco disco disco
disco disco disco
Track Name: Box of Babies
Sundown at the lazy harbor
in the fun town with the creepy barber
there you'll find me, lost in bliss on the shore
hand in hand in hand with the one I adore

We'll lay there
folks will wonder what we're up to
we'll stay there
doing only what we love to
just me and my lady and a big ol' box of babies
by the sea

She'll hug me as I drop one in the water
say she loves me, and the evening sun grows hotter
then she throws one and it gurgles as it founders
yes, she knows one way to make a fella wonder
how I made her my lady with a big ol' box of babies
by the sea

Me and my lady and a big ol' box of babies
me and my lady and a big ol' box of babies
me and my lady and an empty box of babies by the sea

By the sea
her and me
box of babies
by the sea
Track Name: Eels Will Kill You Pt. 3
Eels will kill you
eels will kill you dead
that's what I tell you
that's what I said
always, yes always
eels will kill you dead